Two Lives

Life was dawdling along randomly in spite of conscious efforts to infuse some purpose into it. And from nowhere came a fresh promise; not the kind of prospect I was hoping for, but something that made all else seem less important. A space of boundless beatitude. It was pristine. Beckoning. I took the plunge. And almost instantly, I was questioning the sagacity of my decision. It wasn't wrong. But was it prudent? Was the splendour skin deep? Had the convolutions of life consumed even this space? To my dismay, I discovered the answer was an unrelenting "yes"! I could've wriggled out of the situation and assumed an indifferent demeanour. But I didn't want to quit. I had come with certain expectations and the reality was far from them. But how difficult would it be to restructure the entire design to fit my aspirations? Why give up on the larger good wrangling over petty issues? Why not use the blessing of a conscience to work out a feasible solution instead of being primitive? It was these questions that made me persist with the "status quo". But discord continued to resurface with an amazing promptness, often bringing all other occupations to a standstill and assuming the stature of the single most important aspect of life. I found myself becoming growingly intolerant of having to make such accommodations. I had other schemes to pursue and that was becoming exceedingly tough given my predicament. I had to give up.  Giving up wasn't easy. But then, I thought, it was hard enough to deal with one life. Why would I want to live two?!